


Cartographer X Farmer ficcc

by bigboobminecreftgf (orphan_account)



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Hot, M/M, NSFW, Sex for Procreation, Steamy, lamposts (tw), romantic, will make ur wiener big and hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-11-07 17:57:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20821460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/bigboobminecreftgf
Summary: Two lonesome villagers find love. Herobrine is there.





	Cartographer X Farmer ficcc

Once upon a time, there was a little shitty ass village, in the middle of who fucking knows where. Where som villagers lived, I don’t fucking know. They never fucked. Which was very sad :c. The iron gollum had a crazy amount of sex (with Herobrine), and the animals would have little hearts fly over their heads as they kissed and suddenly there would be a little animal! This made the villagers very jealous and crazy horny. Some villagers thought maybe they could try to have sex with the animals, but that is beastiality, and humans cannot breed with animals, and thats the only point of sex in minecraft, so it was not allowed. 

One day, a lonely farmer thot to himself “What if we tried having sex with each other instead????” But then he thought, “Nah that’s crazy.” Then all of a sudden, two clowns appeared floating in the sky (they were in creative mode) One of which was definitely a furry, the other was a weeaboo. They declared themselves as god, and the villagers were like lul kay beech, and let them on the way.

The first thing the clowns did was errect (ha ha) lampposts along the pier (mood lighting beeeech). The furry made so many lamposts. The villagers began to wonder if the furry might have had a lamppost fetish or something because oh my god there were so many fucking lamposts. Like picture a ridiculous amount of lamposts and like, multiply it by thirty and you got like half the amount of lamposts there. While the furry was working on their errections (ha ha), the weeabo pulled a bunch of emeralds out of their ass (thats where they cum (ha ha) from in creative mode) and went on a shopping rampage, until the villagers cut them off bc they worried about the economy being over inflated (we do not stan). The weeabo took interest in the village’s cartographer, who’s name was Cawrtowgwaphewrr, and the lonesome farmer who always wondered if he could fucc. The cartograffer had a monocle, which the lonesum farmer thot was pretty gosh dang smexy. The cartographer had a findom kink and wanted to indulge that with the farmer secretly. But at this point they had pretty much the same amount of wealth, so it was pretty much useless :c. Idk where I was going with this.

ANYWAY!!  
Won day, the weeabo gathered the amount of bread they accumulated threw trade, and began throwing it at any villager in sight. The villagers were like fucc yeah I love me some gotdamn carbs fuck me UP beech. And snatched up all that breads. 

Later, when the farmer feasted on his bread, he saw another bread rise. (The bread was his MASSIVE peenis.) The Kartoughgrefer was alone in his incel home where he liked to draw pictures of mountains that looked like breasts (if breasts were made of little tiny cubes). He felt very lonely and ate some carbs to make himself feel better. But it didn’t. It only made him hornier. He hrrhed to himself sadly. 

Crootogrfher decided to go for a walk on the newly constructed lampost pier that no mobs would DARE spawn on bc the ridiculous amount of light was p much like daylight. Suddenly, he realized he wasn’t alone. Was it herobrine? Here to slap asses? NO! God get ur mind out of the gutter! It was - The Farmer!!

“Hrrh” said the Carrot gopher.

“Hrrh” Said the farmer. They nodded knowingly, looking down at each other’s bread (it was their weiners!!). Carpsnogger had a small peepee, but the farmer said it was fine. THey decided to get really close, like the animals sometimes did when they got food. Suddenly hearts were flying around their heads!! Could it be?? 

Suddenly, a villager popped out. But this villager was tiny! 

“Hrrh” Said (but high pitched) the little villager. 

“Hrrh” Said the farmer

“Hrrh” Saod TArtcographer. They had become a family! The child will grow big and strong, and the farmer and the cortgruffer will fuck HARDER. And the clowns will continue to build weird stuff around the village bc they have nothing better to do with their lives (only nerds play video games). Herobrin continues to slap asses. And everyon lived happily ever after (except for the rest of the villagers who still didn’t know how to fuck). 

**Author's Note:**

> Is it gud?? pls no flamez, this i s my first (1st) tim writin


End file.
